CINEMAS opened recently and honestly, I’m happy with the whole social distancing standard operating procedure that comes with it – more leg and arm space is always good in my books.

I’ve yet to step in and experience it first-hand but I will be doing that very soon to catch Malaysian New Wave director Tan Chui Mui’s new film (and her first new work in a decade) Barbarian Invasion.

There is a practice in our cineplexes which I lament and it relates to the speed and efficiency they chase you out of the hall when a movie ends.

Well, before it ends actually – you know the end of the movie is coming because the ushers will usually open the exit doors below or next to the screen.

The usually cavernous exit route will not bring you to the cineplex’s entrance but maybe a parking lot, another part of the mall or sometimes outside of the building itself.

Talk about the ways to make sure you won’t sneak back in to watch another movie for free! This practice is very disruptive to the movie-going experience and I’ll explain why. 

Watching a movie is an immersive experience and no, you don’t really need those fancy stuff like IMAX or 3D goggles. They are all just gimmicks.

Like a good song, good storytelling cuts through the facade and garnishing (like special effects). All popular forms of media are based on the art of storytelling – we are a storytelling species.

The moment you purchase a ticket, there is an unspoken contract between you and the filmmakers: you give permission to them to suspend all your disbeliefs and be transported to another time and place.

It’s the most physically immersive yet non-intrusive escapism via technology that still hasn’t had a long enough run to alter our physical biology.

As a species, we enjoy looking at things and that’s the most obvious draw of the movies – the larger-than-life representation of reality laid out in front of us.

Watching a movie is voyeuristic in nature. We enter another time and place by usually aligning ourselves with a single protagonist.

Sometimes we hear their most inner thoughts and fears. We follow them through and into public and private places, and sometimes intimate moments. Yet we never flinch at the thought. It’s just a movie, after all.

Anyhow, as someone who teaches students film history and how to analyse films, I thought I’d share some simple tips to maximise your movie-going experience in these ultra-cautious times. 

Catch a movie in the daytime during office hours alone

This is the best time simply because most other people are at work – it’s a simple logic.

Going alone means you can be more efficient in deciding what movie, screening time and cineplex of your choice to go to.

It’s not a “sad” thing to go to the movies alone. I do it all the time, it’s part of my job.

Films are solitary endeavours – you see it through your own individual senses, although yes, there is a social element to movie-going, which is also meaningful but my tip is about maximising with efficiency that is often compromised when a group of people is involved.

You also maximise your hard-earned ringgit because you have a rather spacious hall with fewer people in attendance.

Now with Covid-19 hanging in the air around us, it’s an even better and safer option to watch a movie. The only thing you need to do is figure out how you are going to find the time (and excuse) to be away from the office to enjoy this luxurious experience.

Don’t complain the next time you insist on going for a movie premiere on a weekend night. I told you the alternative already. You only have yourself to blame.

Skip the popcorn and soda (or whatever junk food or snacks)

I don’t know who started the culture of popcorn and movie-going but it’s not written in the DNA of filmmaking.

It’s just a way for cinemas to earn what is commonly known as “ancillary income” (although maybe the companies may disagree).

Aside from being a calorie-ridden and diabetes-inducing combo, opt for a healthy bottle of mineral water. Even better, just bring your water flask or bottle.

You don’t have to sneak that in like the way you need to sneak in a pizza or fried chicken from KFC (I’ve seen this before), which is unethical since cineplexes already request patrons  not to bring any outside food.

You need to focus when you watch a movie. Snacks are not only unhealthy, they are  distracting. And annoying to the person sitting next to you.

Sit through the end credits to the very end

It ain’t over until the lights turn on! A film is a team effort – although the director takes the centre stage (it is the last remaining dictatorial profession left aside from real dictators). Notice how when a director wins an award, he or she is quick to give credit to the production team.

One way you can show your appreciation is to sit through a movie’s end credits – yes, right to the very end.

You will have to contend with the ushers and cleaners who are trying to break their turnover time between movies but you have every right to sit and resist leaving.

A movie doesn’t end when the end credits appear – it’s still on. Look at all the names and job titles you have never heard of.

If you’re budding film students and your parents ask you if there are jobs in filmmaking, sit them through the end credits. It doesn’t take a village to make a movie – it takes an entire housing estate.

The end credits are also meant to decompress yourself (like how astronauts decompress after landing back on earth) – you are returning back to the world, to your reality, to the usual drudgery.

Take your time. At the same time, you’ve given your token of appreciation and respect to the filmmakers. I tell all my film students to do this. It is a must to tip the hat to fellow artists. 

So, there you go – enjoy your return to cinemas with these tips and be sure to adhere to SOP. See you at the movies!  – October 15, 2021.

* Azmyl Yunor is a touring underground recording artiste, and an academic in media and cultural studies. He has published articles on pop culture, subcultures and Malaysian cultural politics. He adheres to the three-chords-and-the-truth school of songwriting, and Woody Guthrie’s maxim “All you can write is what you see”. He is @azmyl on Twitter.

* This is the opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of The Malaysian Insight. Article may be edited for brevity and clarity.