SEXUAL harassment is a thief of productivity, the waster of talent and a pleasurable past time of Satan.

The classic description is an infatuated male brute covertly overpowering a weak female in the workplace, touching her as she cowers in fear. All her colleagues are either not paying attention, or telling her to toughen up if she wants to stay on the job. 

That is a straightforward example, but sometimes, it does not always occur that way.

But one thing is for sure, contempt, bias, complacency and hypocrisy can make any gender the aggressor and the victim.

Allow me to share an experience detailed to me by an acquaintance. Unfortunately, his details are sketchy because it occurred in 2010. His plight was overlooked and the tormentor, like Harvey Weinstein, was given privileges. And, like so many of Weinstein’s victims, his account is disputable. 

The only thing unique is there was no exchange of benefits. While Weinstein victims were accused of prostituting themselves for fame and gain, my friend claimed to have suffered for nothing except the amusement of his tormentor.

Strangely, the incident did not involve a man offending a woman, but rather, the opposite. It was a woman whom my friend, a man, claimed had falsely accused him of having sick urges to masturbate. He said it was done to cause odium and contempt for him while she sat back to enjoy the “show”. It was also a woman boss whom he said had protected his accuser. 

Things became sinister when his accuser tried to instigate the whole office against him by vividly describing, in “her own thoughts”, his various acts of masturbation on his work desk, and how she always wanted to “throw a towel” over his lap to “cover his shame”. 

Like a professional psychiatrist, she went around “diagnosing” his actions, including humming a tune and even imitating the facial expressions that he allegedly wore when his sexual urges had allegedly been satisfied.   

She incited a petition with other colleagues, hoping to initiate action from the bosses. She went as far as threatening to lodge a police report to “get you into trouble”. 

My Malay friend attributes these actions to some sort of “ilmu penunduk”, and true enough, the fear and humiliation were very real. 

My friend felt  a mob had been stirred up against him. He thinks the odds were  against him because of his gender and unattractive looks, which repulsed all sympathy and invited the mockery of his colleagues. 

After four years, the truth finally emerged. There were no acts of masturbation, and his colleagues had recanted their petition, saying they were sorry forgetting overexcited and succumbing to instigation. 

The issue became stale and life went on in the office, like everything’s just peachy.  

Ever since the fall of Weinstein, many people are beginning to realise the danger of sexual harassment, and movements have emerged to put a stop to this menace. Sexual harassment should encompass acts of malice with sexual connotations, including false accusations, rumour-mongering and destructive instigations.

However, this article is not about seeking justice for my friend. He already gave up on that. Instead, in light of the first anniversary of the #MeToo movement, especially in conjunction with current developments in the Malaysian medical scene and United States Supreme Court nomination hearing, it hopes to highlight what causes this vile act and its severe consequences.

Contempt

It all begins with contempt.  In human nature, for whatever reasons, there’s nobody you like to see suffer more than the person you hate. Sexual harassers don’t harass their brothers and sisters. They don’t even harass the waiters at their favourite “makan” place.  

But when they see a meek colleague whom they have no interest in, they become filled with extreme prejudice until they lose self-control. Those dark thoughts are then  manifested as derogatory actions towards the victim.  

My friend said from day one, said he was having a hard time getting along with his accuser, who just seem to dislike him. He brought up the issue with his superiors, but he was brushed aside. When his accuser learned of what he did, it was then that his descent into “sexual” hell began.

Favouritism

Favouritism kills all respect for those who subscribe to it.  It is the biggest reason why victims are silenced, and the wisdom to discern a real case and malicious gripping is numbed. 

It wasn’t long before my friend was called up by his woman boss.  The conversation was decent, but he could sense something was amiss.  Although the boss vowed to nip all rumours in the bud, she kept saying that he could be touching himself unconsciously.

His fears were confirmed in a team meeting, when the boss complained of the “problems” created by team members who could not work together. Without looking him in the eye, she said those who felt dissatisfied “can walk out anytime” and the company would  be operating without them. 

Complacency/Ignorance

 In this country, which used to be sarcastically known as “Bolehland”, it is said that you can prosper doing anything. 

Those in power may make shocking decisions when everybody else can clearly see  the detrimental effects. Coupled with favouritism, it is no wonder why oppression can grow and culprits get away with impunity.  

After my friend was ousted from the team and into another department, the company made profit and his former boss was elevated in the eyes of the top management. She was recommended for awards and, in turn, gave a glowing report of my friend’s accuser. Both were handsomely rewarded with a few months’ bonus.

In the following two years, the company also did well, and with the ex-boss’ persistent recommendation, the accuser was promoted to assistant manager. It was rumoured that the promotion even came with a higher pay grade incongruent with the responsibilities she was supposed to bear.

Hypocrisy

Sexual harassment victims always hope that karma will bite back, and tormentors will eventually be called out. But it was not so in my friend’s case because karma sometimes produces hypocritical outcomes.

The “day of reckoning” for the former boss came with the change in top management. The new higher-ups had a low opinion of her and she was given hints to leave. Without batting an eyelid, she took them because she knew there was always others who would welcome her. The last my friend knew, his ex-boss had held top posts in two respectable organisations, and is establishing herself in the third.

The day of reckoning for the accuser came when she tried to incite trouble for her new bosses. Not fully aware of her history, her new bosses solved the problem by instantly transferring her to my friend’s department!

Thankfully, she took the move as an insult and resigned within 24 hours. Two months later, the company offered a very attractive voluntary separation package. But the accuser didn’t mind missing it because she, too, had no problem finding gainful employment. 

Take home lessons

As for my friend, he is still around.  But he is disillusioned after seeing how his tormentors climbed the corporate ladder and left his former department in shambles. 

They were rewarded with good money and had moved on in their careers, while he is still stuck to his company, which is now in the doldrums. He thought of suing until heads spun, or retaliate like hell hath no fury, but that would just raise the volume of bad blood. 

Let’s face it folks, whether you realise it or not, the biggest losers are my friend and his company. 

It has been one year since millions have shared their sexual harassment experiences. But how much has this changed society? Did it actually make lives better, or has it been hijacked by favouritism to benefit only a few? 

Like in our country, should the medical profession be the only focus of the media, whereas other industries are negligible? I find it hard to believe that there is only one sexual predator in this whole country, and he happens to be a doctor.  What about managers,  editors, salesmen, businessmen, accountants, lawyers and engineers? Is it for everybody’s best interest that this menace be kept in the closet?

No, we must be brave and speak up. Those called out for sexual harassment must be held responsible and shamed.  But the victims, like my friend, are tired, humiliated and weakened in their spirit. They have been abused for pleasure and shut out for convenience. Nobody gives a damn and no one feels it is right to iron out the wrong.

The spark and passion that drove my friend’s career has vanished. He’s not giving his best at work any more, and the ignorant are always wondering why he’s behaving like an office deadwood. He said if this was the pathetic meaning of work life, then he had no choice but to yield to anybody who wished him ill. 

But he is thankful that suicide has not crossed his mind yet.

* Kenny Goh reads The Malaysian Insight.

* This is the opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of The Malaysian Insight. Article may be edited for brevity and clarity.