AFTER her husband secretly married the second time in Thailand 15 years ago, Salmah Khalid has been supporting her four children on her own, working long hours and sometimes borrowing money to make ends meet.

The 43-year-old nurse said she only found out about the second marriage two months after her husband remarried, following which they had a huge row. Salmah said she didn’t see her husband for a year after that.

“In the past, he would give me RM300 for household expenses and we would split the loan repayment for the house. After he married, I had to take over all the expenses,” she said.

Salmah said she had to borrow occasionally from relatives to cover tuition fees for her children, aged 10 to 15, and would often go hungry.

“It’s been almost 15 years since he took a second wife, and I’ve not had any financial support. Occasionally, I will force him to give the children some money for university.”

Financial impact on first wives

A survey conducted by Sisters in Islam (SIS) on the impact of polygamy on Muslim families found that nearly half of the first wives out of 254 mixed respondents had to take on second jobs or work longer hours to ensure some financial stability for their families after their husbands take on newer wives.

Senior programme officer Syarifatul Adiba Mohamad Jodi said polygamy often meant a lowering on the family’s quality of life, especially for those in the working class.

“We conducted a survey on the impact of polygamy. We interviewed more than 1,200 respondents, including first wives, second wives and children of the first and second wives.

“For example, if the husband gives the first wife RM5,000, after he marries another, this is divided into two. So, the quality of life of the first wife has dropped.

“To support her family, the wife needs to find another source of income,” she told The Malaysian Insight.

The SIS survey was conducted between 2014 and 2016 and revealed that most complaints about polygamy revolved around husbands who went ahead with it without their wives’ permission or knowledge.

According to Malaysian shariah laws, men are allowed to practise polygamy provided they fulfilled certain conditions.

Each state has different criteria regarding polygamy. In Perak, the husband does not need the permission of the court to marry multiple wives.

In Selangor and Kuala Lumpur, however, men wanting to have polygamous marriages need to get the permission of the shariah courts.

According to Section 23 (4) of the Islamic family law (Selangor) 2003, factors taken into consideration by the courts include the reason for polygamy, husband’s income and his current and future dependents.

Men who take on another wife without the court’s written consent stand to face a fine of not more than RM1,000 or a jail term of up to six months, or both.

Clinging to a marriage

According to shariah lawyer Abdul Kadir Ismail, the problems surrounding polygamy would not arise if Muslims were given proper education from a young age.

He said many men seeking polygamous relationships cited neglect by their first wives as the main reason.

“There are many divorce cases because the wives are seemingly ignoring the husbands, caring more for the children. This is the reason the husbands look for other women,” he said.

“It should be that the children come second, the husband comes first. But now, it’s the opposite. Children come first, husband is second.

“So, the husbands complain that every day, they feel like slaves. Go out to work, to support their wives and children. And when they go back, they still don’t get any love,” said Kadir.

For Salmah, even though she still feels resentment towards her husband, she has never considered divorcing him, choosing instead to continue supporting her family as if she was a single parent.

She said the relationship between her husband and children has become strained since he married a second wife.

“The children are no longer comfortable with their father. It’s not surprising, since he comes and goes.

“In the next few years, as he ages, then maybe he will think about coming back to his children.” – July 26, 2017.