WHEN responding to a recent report on sexual harassment by male politicians faced by female journalists, Mohd Taufek Razak, the president of National Union of Journalists (NUJ) made a few suggestions:

-Female journalists should dress appropriately

- Female journalists should be mindful of their conduct

- Female journalists should present themselves professionally

- Female journalists should not conduct interviews at inappropriate places

- Female journalists should have strong integrity

- Female journalists should use appropriate ways to obtain news stories

As a columnist and a writer, I appreciate and thank Mohd Taufek for his thoughtfulness in advising female journalists.

However, I personally believe that sexual harassment is driven by a need to assert power and control; and not by an attraction to beauty or sex appeal – the statement made by Mohd Taufek does however come as a reminder to all females in our country to be mindful of our male counterpart at all times.

Why does it always fall on the shoulders of a female, you ask?

Well, my mom seems to have the answer.

You see, prior to writing this piece, I had to attend a theatre rehearsal. As I stepped out of my house and started locking the front gate, out came my mom.

“Pull your shirt, please,” she said.

“Why?”

“I can see the shape of your bum,” she replied.

“That’s because I have one, Ma.”

“It looks too appealing. Pull your shirt down and cover it please.” she tells me.

I have had the same series of conversations with my mom over and over for as long as I can remember.

From visible cleavage line all the way to short tees, my mom always disapproves most of my choice of attire. In fact, my mom prefers me to always wear something bigger than my size, just to cover up the places that should be covered up.

“You don’t want men to be staring at your ‘features’,” she says.

I once asked her why should the females be the one covering all up – why aren’t the males taught to respect women or to lower their gaze if they weren’t able to control their bananas.

Mom said, “Men will always be men.”

I guess mom is right.

When powerful men with authority and senior positions could portray men in general as impulsive animals with bestial urges who are incapable of restraining themselves upon encountering female appeal, I suppose they too (being men themselves) agree with my mom that ‘men will always be men’.

I do feel sad for those sort of men, though.

And so, since men are assumed to always be a creature controlled by their lust, desire and urges, and not so much of their wisdom, conscience and empathy as suggested by the NUJ president and the members of his school of thought, I suppose as a member of the society, it does fall upon us, women, to educate these men.

Instead of accumulating resentments towards such men, I strongly believe that women should empower ourselves and teach these men to treat us the way we wish to be treated. This is how we can create healthy relationship dynamics between all genders in the society.

I hereby have taken the liberty to list down three important things we could do to secure our safety since we are unable to depend on men to treat us with respect.

1. Always set boundaries

If a man touches you inappropriately, be it a tap on your bum or placing his hand on your lap without your consent, tell him: “I feel very uncomfortable with you making physical contact. I would really appreciate it if you could STOP making such contact.”

2. Always explain your needs

If a man tells you something which you find to be inappropriate or offensive, even in a joking manner, tell him: “I hope this doesn’t come across the wrong way, but I’ve always been someone who respects others and it is important for me to be treated similarly. I would really appreciate it if you could STOP saying inappropriate things to me.”

3. Always seal the deal

It is extremely important to put it out there that you are not willing to tolerate any kind of inappropriate behaviour. Once you have made your boundaries and needs clear, ask for a verbal contract: “Would you be able to focus or should we reschedule this meeting? Or perhaps you’d like to cancel - I could always inform my supervisor why this meeting had to be cancelled.”

I do believe, nothing is impossible with a good dose of education. After all, education is the best way to change norms and get rid of negative cultures. It is also how we add value to our society.

In most cases, based on my personal encounters with similarly misbehaving men, when you make your boundaries and needs clear, the other person is more likely to resonate. But in the event they fail to adhere to your request and continue with the inappropriate behaviour on a regular basis, you need to find your way to the nearest police station and file a report. – January 18, 2018.

* Fa Abdul is a passionate storyteller and a resident agitator of the idiots in society. Well-known for her straight-talking sarcasm and occasional foul mouth, she juggles between her work as a writer, producer and director.

* This is the opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of The Malaysian Insight. Article may be edited for brevity and clarity.