THE increase in suicide cases and mental health problems in Malaysia during the lockdown, which then sparked the movement to fly the white flag, made me an international student – who already considers Malaysia my second home – concerned and wanted to contribute ideas and simple actions that could take to help others.

For me, it is our duty as human beings to grow and be a light in the world, to improve the world around us in our own unique way, in any way we can.

In terms of ideas, my experience is studying a degree in psychology, then becoming a mental health activist running a movement in Indonesia to help the homeless with mental health problems.

I then served in Australia as part of a suicide prevention organisation. It made me understand the situation and conditions of those who finally chose suicide as shortcut to escape suffering.

In suicide studies, or suicidology, it is called the final exit.

When I learnt about that in Australia, my good friend said suicide happens because someone had already lost meaning of life.

When I read more about logotherapy, people who experience mental health problems commonly lose the sense of meaning and purpose their life, and can struggle to regain or even develop this sense.

If we still remember about the death of Linkin Park vocalist Chester Benington in 2017, there are lessons that we can learn and we must always apply.

It is about how we must detect signs of people around us who are suffering psychologically. In his last song, Nobody Can Save Me, he talks about dancing with demon, which I interpret as a sign of his inner struggle.

We all have demons and sometimes it feels like we can’t win. I also struggled with depression when I lost my mother. 

Nobody cares if you commit suicide. They may just pretend to care for a short time, then label you ‘negative’ and complaining.

Moreover, this condition is further supported by the social situation that we rarely communicate but are more likely to judge and blame.

Our habit is to communication less now. Phone calls are replaced by texts, family get togethers are replaced by social media.

No one seems to want to hear people’s problems. The sad thing is, there are many out there who think this way, like us, and yet they don’t know that it is OK to think and talk about suicide.

The subjects are avoided, which leads to more isolation.

So, the first step is we need to encourage each other and able to communicate these thoughts and feelings without the anxiety of being judged or criticised.

Understanding demons and the darkness is much healthier than running away from them. After that, we also need re-evaluate our sense of caring and erase our judgemental thinking of a person suffering from mental health problems.

Re-evaluate our sense of caring

There is nothing wrong with caring, it is an emotional response that we release immediately when we know someone suffers.

However, just caring is not enough. We need to understand how to behave and think properly when we express our care for others.

Sadly, most of us judge and look for scapegoats, validating the sufferer’s feelings with our stories, while leaking the sufferer’s secrets to third parties.

If we do that, it is like we bring poison with a sweet smile to them, because the way we care will push them to an even more serious direction.

Therefore, a sense of caring is not enough. There must be a learning process about how we should behave when dealing with people with mental problems.

Sense of caring without thinking and empathy is like wanting to be the sun to brighten up someone’s day but not the moon to light their darkness.

Our sense of caring needs more sunlight, more candour, and more unashamed conversation. Practise a sense of caring is actually about active empathy and listening with sensitive feeling.

Shut down your judgmental thinking

Judgment never solves the problem. This action only satisfies the emotional side but not the rational side, let alone spiritual.

Judgmental thoughts and actions show that we have malicious intentions laced with empathy and this make things worse.

Even when dealing with the families of people who have committed suicide or those who have survived suicide, judging will only open old wounds.

As much as possible, stop judgmental thoughts and actions because we do not focus on finding out who is wrong and right outside of ourselves.

We should focus on how to get the person to let go of the burden in his or her life and deal with it in a better way, logically and purposefully.

One way to erase such thoughts is to do a lot of reflection within ourselves, either through worship or other ways that we believe can clarify the mind.

Try to spend as much time as you can with them. Speaking from experience without invalidating or judging, feeling suicidal can be exacerbated by loneliness.

Try to talk to the person about what it is that’s making them feel this way.

You need to get to the root of the problem, not focus on their suicidal thoughts. They may sense that you’re just trying to do the morally right thing and not trying to actually help them.

Finally, suicide is the Devil’s whisper. Try not to pay attention to this desire. You are better and stronger than you think you are.

If you are dealing with anxiety and you are still alive, I salute you. Anxiety is not for the weak but the bold and courageous.

Keep believing in yourself, keep going. The world cannot handle your energy. Remember you are a triple dose of awesome.

The tortoise and cheetah move at different speeds but can cover the same distance. Be patient with yourself and move at your own pace. You will be fine with time and never shy to find help.

Maybe I don’t know your situation right now, but let me just say this: you are a wonderful human being who belongs, and a lot of people will help you, if you try to find help.

The world is a very cruel place, we also feel suffering and know pain of suffering , but I want you to know that you are strong enough.

You can get through this. Bad days happen, but I want you to know that you are not alone. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are tough. You are not alone. You are amazing and you can get through this. I love you, God bless you, always. – July 2, 2021.

* Mansurni Abadi reads The Malaysian Insight.

* This is the opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of The Malaysian Insight. Article may be edited for brevity and clarity.