“IN the back of the taxi, he took my hand and put it on his crotch.”

“He walked me to my car and kept pestering me to kiss me. I kept saying no.”

“He touched my breast during an office party.”

Think it only happens in Hollywood? These are Malaysian stories. You might not have heard them, because, like Hollywood’s hushed corridors, these women keep it to themselves.

Fear, shame, shock keep the women silent.

The #MeToo campaign is taking the internet by storm. Most women I know have been sexually harassed, and some men, too. If this is so widespread, why are we not talking about it in Malaysian workplaces?

Malaysian employers don’t think they have a problem. Not in my company, business leaders tell me. There are no recent Malaysian statistics, but here are some from around the world.

Employers need a mind shift change. Instead of denying sexual harassment exists and demanding evidence from those who report it, acknowledge that it happens. Get serious. Have a policy. Train your employees to understand what sexual harassment is and how to report it. Train your Human Resources team on how to handle sexual harassment issues. Report statistics to the Board in the way you would with safety and ethics. Take meaningful action against offenders. As Uber, 500 Start Ups, and now Miramax have learnt, sexual harassment is a business risk and failure to deal with it can cost CEOs their jobs.

Since I began conducting sexual harassment awareness training, people have shared their stories with me.

A senior executive in her 30s worked for a charismatic CEO that had a way with the ladies. At the slightest opportunity, he’d drape his arms around them. They were meant to be flattered but she was uncomfortable. She began to avoid him and told her husband who said, leave. She enjoyed her job, but the CEO made her depressed. She knew other female colleagues felt the same. But being touched came with the job.

Another left her tech job after a series of sexual remarks by a colleague. While offering her coffee, he said, “you don’t need cream. You only need to squeeze your breasts”.

In Malay dominated companies, single women put up with jokes about senior men’s desire for new wives. They laugh along because it would be impolite not to. Inside, they are cringing.

Some of them are not sure if they’ve experienced sexual harassment. I explain, sexual harassment is unwelcome conduct of a sexual nature that makes you feel uncomfortable or distressed. Hearing this is a huge relief. They feel validated. They aren’t being oversensitive or forced to accept friends’ advice that “men will be men”. One woman broke down as she told me her friends had said, “sabar, ini bulan Ramadan” (Be patient, it’s Ramadan). Instead of acknowledging her pain, they lectured her on how to behave.

For as long as Malaysian women are taught to be unquestioningly obedient to other men – their husbands, their fathers, their bosses – they cannot speak up in the face of clear wrongdoing. Instead of empowering our women, we brainwash them into accepting “dugaan” or tests with the notion that patience will reward them in the afterlife. Silence in this life enables the harasser to get away with no accountability and free to harm other patient women.

In Malaysia, the culture of silence relies on jaga muka (save face). Women really don’t want to get a guy into trouble, especially if he is senior in an organisation or a personality. Powerful men are surrounded by blind followers who are only too willing to tear a woman apart should she even dare to accuse him of wrongdoing.

It’s a tacit agreement. Stay silent, and we won’t defame you. Speak up, and all my followers will label you a slut. That’s easy in Malaysia where the moralistic online mob blame women for their dressing and conduct rather than hold a perpetrator accountable. I’ve even seen Facebook posts where underaged girls are accused of seducing men twice their age!

For the men who ask why women who are sexually harassed don’t speak up, I have a question for you. Have you seen wrongdoing in your workplace – bribery or fraud – and reported it? The EY 2017 Asia Pacific Fraud Survey shows that 27% of employees do nothing upon becoming aware of fraud and that 41% of employees and 51% of senior managers feel pressured to withhold information of misconduct. Malaysian PLCs have risk committees that will accept reports of unethical conduct. There is no similar avenue for sexual harassment.

The fear of retaliation by those in power applies to other corporate wrongdoing, not just sexual harassment. The figures are higher for sexual harassment, possibly due to its very personal nature. In the UK, 79% did not report sexual harassment due to career prospects, not being believed and embarrassment. The EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission) in the US states 75% of sexual harassment cases are not reported for fear of retaliation.

For all those Malaysians who have experienced workplace sexual harassment, start talking about it. Here are some practical tips:

Write it down or record it. As soon as it happens, record yourself on the phone describing what happened or e-mail someone you trust with details – very detailed – of what just happened. This gives a timestamp and contemporaneous evidence is stronger than you trying to recall it later.

Tell someone close to you. You will need the emotional support when it gets tough because it will get tough. You might be questioned over and over – by HR, by investigators, by the media, by lawyers… It gets exhausting. You need that person who believes in you even if the rest of the world doesn’t.

Tell someone who can help. This could be a lawyer, a person with HR in your company, a welfare officer – someone. You need someone very familiar with harassment and is able to advise you objectively.

Make a police report if your harassment has crossed the criminal threshold. For example, you were physically assaulted or you received dick pics. It does not matter if you don’t have evidence. It is for the police to investigate. Note that the moment you do this, the matter is public. You need to ask yourself: are you prepared for the consequences of this powerful person now knowing that you have lodged a report? Seek legal advice in doing this.

Find out if others have been harassed. Sexual harassment is rarely a one off. A powerful person would have started far back. Tackle this discretely as many will still be in fear of speaking up. All it takes is for that one brave soul to speak up and others will follow.

Whilst my Facebook was flooded with #MeToo stories from Malaysian women, they were not comfortable sharing their stories publicly.

“My dad is on my Facebook. I’m not sure I want to subject him to the stuff I’ve been through.”

“It can be triggering for survivors.”

“I’m not comfortable putting my story out there because I have family members. I really don’t want them coming back and telling my parents this and that, because I know what’s gonna happen – I will be blamed for it. People talk.”

We may never reach the tipping point that Harvey Weinstein has brought to American women. Our baggage is too heavy. But let’s face it. Sexual harassment is real and Malaysia needs to act. Table the Sexual Harassment bill in Parliament. Mandate all PLCs to disclose steps taken to address sexual harassment. Get more women into leadership positions. It is time. – October 21, 2017.

*Animah Kosai is an advocate, speaker and writer on speaking up on wrongdoing within corporations, specifically harassment, sexual harassment, fraud, corruption and safety concerns. Her Speak Up platform is on Facebook , LinkedIn and Twitter.

* This is the opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of The Malaysian Insight.