IN celebrating our political leaders’ poor short-term memory, clickbait-dangling statements and inherent fetish to upend the rakyat’s mandate, I would like to share three theories about why they resort to the behaviour we have become unfortunately accustomed to in “Bolehland”.

But I must first state a lengthy disclaimer about the basis of my theories and that they too are under-researched and off the cuff to maintain the similar rigour and standard to which some of our esteemed representatives adhere.

Since we are used to having political leaders who are pristine, pure and faultless in their nature and character in our humble society, I too must adhere and take example from their behaviour, for our leaders are representative of the electorate they spring from.

My theories are based on purely my opinions, biases, whimsical fancies, and heat of the moment, so please do not hold me accountable to my deliberations as my comments too can be misunderstood, misinterpreted and, of course, misquoted.

Here are my theories as to why our esteemed elected leaders resort to the shenanigans they dispose of in public at will.

1. They never expected to win

Disclaimer: I am not a card-carrying member of any political party at the time of writing. I need to say this because this theory may suggest I have knowledge of the inner workings of a political party. I do not.

This is probably the most interesting theory I have because I am sure all political parties have a hefty war chest to cover all their bases.

Hence, when some of the more junior and inexperienced ones attempt to move such funds around, they tend to – what we call in Malay – “kantoi”.

Candidates are a dime a dozen if you look closely at all the losers throughout the decades of general and state elections.

Most of the time, even the winners are faceless hacks I didn’t know existed without the help of Wikipedia.

Aside from their constituents, a lot never make any visible impact nationally, though some may be genuine community leaders.

To the naive and ignorant public, these funds they have in their war chest may seem like a lot, but one has to put it into context.

There are 222 parliamentary seats and constituencies, 600 state seats and constituencies, and three Federal Territories seats up for grabs when general and state elections come along.

Out of all the candidates – especially among the first-timers and those already out of favour – I am sure they are fielded to just split the vote.

When one who is assumed to be a lost cause wins, well, they are disposable goods that somehow snuck in and are naturally unable to not only professionally deliver, but also intellectually incapable, as most political parties in Malaysia are ideologically driven.

2. They are a product of a broken system

Our political leaders are not conceived and birthed any differently from the rest of us.

They are conceived and birthed the way most mammals are – through the biological union of male and female.

None of them descended out of the blue sky over some hills on a holy night, nor did they appear from ether in our mortal world.

They are just humans, and like all humans, they are products of the system in which they were raised.

This is the best we have, folks.

The quality of our leaders reflects the system from which they begat, and while we may not be privy to some of their more affluent lives and privileges, whatever upbringing they have is also a product of the system – their parents or families could afford to breed and train them in some other system than the one we all had to go through.

Hence, their alternative system was borne from the need to protect themselves from the broken system so they could have a head start. They are not better; they just have better options.

3. There are bigger forces at hand

Now, this final theory of mine is just as good a guess as any of yours, dear reader.

I am not a conspiracy nut but I do believe that just as the Internet has the dark web, I am very sure there are other elements in the political world out of reach of us mere tax-paying, law-abiding mortals.

You can read questionably referenced books, deliberate over endless teh tarik, watch movies, scour social media, and believe dodgy videos forwarded via WhatsApp by your relatives, but I still believe you will never reach clear, conclusive truths, let alone evidence, of these “mysterious” forces. – November 17, 2023.

* Azmyl Yunor is a touring underground recording artiste, and an academic in media and cultural studies. He has published articles on pop culture, subcultures and Malaysian cultural politics. He adheres to the three-chords-and-the-truth school of songwriting, and Woody Guthrie’s maxim “All you can write is what you see”. He is @azmyl on Twitter.