CONTACT the person and ask if they are okay – this is psychologists’ advice for those who come across social media posts indicating self-harm, in the wake of a Sarawak teen’s alleged suicide after a majority of respondents to her Instagram poll told her to “choose death”.

The 16-year-old had asked followers to help her “choose D/L”, referring to “death or life”. She was found dead on Monday night, believed to have jumped from the top floor of a three-storey shoplot in Bandar Baru Batu Kawa in Palawan.

Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia psychologist Dr Hilwa Abdullah said when social media users see such posts, they should be careful not to respond with comments that could further “provoke” a depressed person.

“When one comes across a strange, worrying post, don’t simply use emojis or click ‘like’ in response.

“People who are depressed are already emotionally fragile and irrational. They will make all sorts of interpretations (of the responses received),” she told The Malaysian Insight.

“If you see strange social media posts by your friends, approach them personally to ask if they are alright.”

She said the Sarawak teen had likely sought “confirmation” from friends and the public.

Those who saw her post could have taken the question lightly or thought it was a joke, and wanted to poke fun at her, not knowing that their response would have serious implications, said Hilwa.

“Perhaps, the girl was having some issues, which led her to think that suicide was her last resort. Teenagers can be emotional. They don’t think rationally like adults, and they want quick solutions.

“For those who voted ‘D’, we can’t say they, too, have some sort of mental illness and need help. It was likely that they did not take her post seriously and wanted to tease her.

“Some people just enjoy posting comments, whether good or bad, when given the opportunity.”

Danger of sharing feelings online

The ease with which people comment freely on social media creates the impression that the online community is “safer and less threatening”, said another expert.

Counselling psychologist Dr Meriam Omar Din said for those with depression – which can come and go – coping alone is tiring, and social media becomes an outlet to express their feelings.

“Over time, they put hope on their social media friends and start to communicate more than what their friends are able to understand.

“With regard to the recent suicide… with the Instagram poll, I believe she was making her last attempt to find a reason to live.”

Meriam, who specialises in anxiety and depression, said people who express suicidal thoughts may be indicating that they have given up on finding solutions to their problems.

“But they are also very sensitive to judgment, and they tend to avoid seeking help from friends and professionals (due to stigma).

“Getting professional help and being categorised as having a mental disorder can make them over-interpret the seriousness of their problems and give up further. The public is not aware of this.”

She said this is why when depressed people share their thoughts and feelings online, their friends must be mindful of how to react.

Otherwise, social media platforms can be dangerous to vulnerable individuals, she said.

Show care, get help

Ultimately, professional treatment is required for those who have expressed suicidal thoughts, a common symptom of major depression, said Meriam.

Hilwa called on friends of those suspected of having such problems to show care.

“Show understanding and lend them your ear. Don’t provoke them when they are emotionally fragile and not thinking rationally.

“Parents should also be aware of their children’s social media activities.”

Meriam said in most cases, the root of the problem for sufferers of depression is found within the family, making such issues “shameful” and difficult to talk about.

In the case of the Sarawak teen, police said the girl came from a broken home. She lived with her mother, and had a stepfather who worked in Singapore and rarely returned home after marrying another woman.

While confiding in close friends helps to a certain extent, Meriam recommends professional help from psychologists or counsellors who can provide “unconditional acceptance”.

“Medication may help the physiological functions related to depression. Regular psychotherapy over a continuous period of two to three years has been proven to help overcome depression.” – May 18, 2019.